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It was a Thursday night in Istanbul and I was sitting on a patio at a going away party with three Persian cousins: two men living in Istanbul for graduate school and a woman living there who works as a journalist. So it’s forbidden by law, informal dating when you’re not married. The men explained that when a woman gets married she decides on an amount of money that the man owes them if they get divorced. Also they’re graduating a lot more from university, to the extent that if a girl and boy are both applying to the same department at university, they’ve lowered the standards for the boys to try to even it out.I didn’t want to turn playtime into work time but the opportunity seemed too ripe to relinquish. How often do we get to share a beer and actually try to understand each other? I told them that I was writing about dating cultures in different countries. But you know, everything forbidden is more interesting.” I asked how dating is different for them in Istanbul than it is back home and both men instantly replied that it was way easier to date back home in Iran. ” One said and laughed, but then added more seriously, “Maybe they feel more freely. But because they are so repressed, they go to extremes to compensate. They’re totally dressed up and made up and with the hair… They’ve got like three boyfriends, they’re always screwing around… They explained that the right of divorce is the man’s, but that most middle and upper class men sign a clause in their pre-nuptial agreement giving their wife the same right. The graduation rates are like 62 percent girls.” I walked away from this conversation a bit rattled and sad.We, as parents, have the unique opportunity of picking and choosing the best from both cultures and incorporating them into the traditions of our own familiy units.We can reap from the macro-societies which are Iran and America and utilize these bountiful harvests in the micro sphere of our own homes.Obviously internet dating is a minefield of predatory men who are only after one thing. Are we non Persian girls just for dating or bedding? I am, of course, not saying that your assumptions are incorrect.I would be interested in your thoughts as I am getting quite disheartened at the attitudes. I think, very unfortunately, that there are some cultural stereotypes (in both directions! So good, let’s get these all out in the open so that we can talk about them. A traditionalist at heart, he travels often in an attempt to expose himself to as many cultures across the globe as possible. Hume, formerly known as Law Dogger, is an attorney and the litigation partner of his law firm.
I think that there is this perception perpetuated by parents and taught to their children generation after generation – that is based more on ideals than on reality.
His column runs every so often and he can be found on Twitter as well. The sometimes delicate, always materialistic, often complicated and usually bitchy flowers of the female species.
They vary from outright gorgeous to downright hideous with excess hair and cycloptic unibrows.
“How do they do that, if there’s no bars —“ I started to ask. You can get anything you want.” The female cousin mused: “Iranians are very influenced by American culture. Most educated families allow their children to date.” Thinking of the next thing I took for granted about the country, I asked how Persian men treat their wives.
” he said, feigning spite, and then in a high-pitched voice said, “I love you. You’re the only man for me.” The other man laughed and nodded. In the capital city, in Tehran, it’s like drugs and orgies,” one of the men explained. “Yes well, if everyone drinks so much so much and there’s a lot of drugs…” He explained that since Tehran is so close to Afghanistan, which produces a huge amount of drugs, “Iran is the gateway of drugs to the West. “Well, it depends on the culture of the family;” one of the men explained, “I even know some families where the girls’ boyfriends used to live with them.